My life is so completely twisted around at this juncture in my life. I suppose that might not be all the different from the norm, but it feels like the storm at hand has taken a healthy dose of steroids. This is not my rambling attempt to say that I don't have a part in these struggles, it's just a shot at hashing it out in writing for my own brain to comprehend.
First off, I'm trying to understand if my perception of what a relationship should be is wrong? Or if maybe, I actually know what I want out of life and the people in it? I've done so much fighting, as of late, that it has really helped me come to the conclusion that there has to be an alternative. Is it possible that there is a way to hash out two people's differences as adults, without screaming or badgering? Are there any people out there that truly enjoy being together, so much so that it allows them the courage to be apart, and trust eachother? It seems like I get advice that falls on both sides of the fence. Some will tell me that "marriage is work", or "fighting is just part of it". And while I completely agree with a certain percentage of each one of those statements, I also hear people say that "we've been together for thirty-one years and have fought twice"! I realize that both sides carry a certain amount of validity, but I would rather error on the side of the latter. I guess I'm just hoping that, no matter how this craziness of my life turns out, I can make the decision that will allow me to be happy. I do believe it's possible.
And finally, I'm sure that if anyone who actually knows me is reading this, they will have an idea of the storms I am referring to, and have one of two views of the situation. It is far beyond my imagination to have dreampt up anything like this. On one hand I wanna jump for joy, on the other I want to punch myself in the face for my mistakes. The truth of the matter is, I've thrown punches, and been the recipient. I don't want to compound wrong with more wrong, because I feel like that's what I have been doing. So this is the point of my questions, to stop the cycle of inflicting and enduring wrongs, to do what's best for all parties involved. I realize these are rhetorical, at least until we drink a couple and discuss. :) Peace
